Just when I think I have life figured out, I realize I don’t.
If you read a previous post of mine, you would have seen I mentioned something about “life happening” and I chose to start a blog.
Short version? Sure, why not. For my sanity’s sake and for your time’s sake, I’ll have to break situations down individually as time passes. Ready? Ok, here we go.
My children are 19, 17, and 14 (almost 15). I had my children very young and I am now 34. I am remarried and we are planning more children. Well, life obstacle number 23085720. Due to my previous marriage and lots of yucky (yes I said yucky) things that went on there (remember, short version) I had a tubal ligation after my child. (My oldest is a son, and I have a daughter who is my middle child, and lastly, another son).
After years of embracing solitude and just accepting the fact that I was going to be alone for the rest of my life, I met my wonderful, patient, loving husband. Convinced myself I wouldn’t get married again, well, I’m married now. Convinced myself I wouldn’t have more kids, well, actively trying now.
This portion is going to continue on about that journey and where I’m up to now with it (you see I got sidetracked).
Anyhow, back to the short version details. I had a tubal ligation (tubes tied) in May of 2004. Fast forward to February of 2018 and I had my tubes untied (tubal ligation reversal), the medical term is tubal reanastomosis. Should have been it right? Bam! Baby time? Nope!
I had to lose a significant amount of weight before they would even consider the tubal reanastamosis. So, 145 lbs. down later, I am eligible for the surgery. Everything went well, the surgeon said everything looked great, I have a great egg reserve still, hormones are great, nothing looks to be hindering me from having more babies, and I’m actually really excited. I didn’t think I would be in this place again but I am.
Six months after the tubal ligation reversal, still no baby. They say actively trying couples should wait at least a year. I felt something in my gut wasn’t right and I attempted to go back to the Dr. Well, my husband is military and they said nope, have to wait a year. (Some Tricare rules for referring patients out mumbo-jumbo yadda yadda, Ok, I get it). So, I make an appointment on my own elsewhere with an RE (reproductive endocrinologist) because I can feel that something is off and I just need answers.
Turns out, I have “blocked tubes”. Distal tubal occlusion is the fancy term for it. First heartbreak during this whole ordeal regarding the baby situation because I thought for sure we were on the right path. This was one of the many times I found myself internet searching for random possibilities at all hours of the night and day. Is tubal reanastomosis painful? How long is the recovery? When should we start trying for a baby? Best ways to get pregnant? Best positions to get pregnant? Does having sex during different moon phases increase the chances of fertility? BSF and pregnant? Using soft cups after sex? Should I stand on my head after we have sex? How long do I keep my legs up after we have sex? How many days DPO should I test? HCG negative on CD28, could I still be pregnant? My internet searches became borderline obsessive.
When I searched tubal ligation reversal follow up, what I found repeatedly was “wait a year and then have an HSG done” (an HSG is an x-ray type of procedure done where dye is inserted into the uterine cavity and then monitored to see if there is spillage in the uterine cavity or through fallopian tubes). I didn’t see much information on “if you feel something is wrong, go with that feeling and be your best advocate”. Well, that’s why I’m here. If you’re reading this, doesn’t matter what it’s about if you truly in your gut feel something is off, go with that. I even got sucked into the warp of search engine endless searches for “how accurate is the HSG procedure?” “Tubal spasm during HSG?” Let me tell ya, this process is not fun. My heart goes out to the many individuals suffering from reproductive issues. I can’t begin to imagine the many months and years of internet search torment you have had to endure if this is just the beginning of what seems like the insanity for me.
After my HSG, I decided it would be best to go on to mini-ivf. Well, here I am midcycle and still as flipping confused as I was on day one. I went to the Dr. today and I’ve started my period. Yeah, don’t think that is supposed to happen considering I’ve been on meds for the past two weeks and prior to that birth control pills for three weeks. The meds I’m on are called “stims”. Trust me when I say I’m not familiar with all the TTC (trying to conceive) acronyms. I do know that my cycle is supposed to be controlled by my Dr. and I’m not supposed to be on my period right now.
I am literally typing this out with no real answers. I go back to the Dr. on Friday for a follow-up and he will determine what our next step is. What that is? Who knows, at this point, he could tell me to climb into a purple spaceship with yellow neon lights and I’d probably know more about aliens than I would about how we can finally have this baby.
We can take this journey together if I haven’t lost you with my random rants already.
I’m holding out hope for this journey…